Stir Crazy

If anything describes my current feeling or state it's stir crazy. I feel pent up and frantic I want to get out I want to do something. I want to get something done but I wouldn't even know where to start. Increasingly I feel as though I never do anything or I'm not producing anything and I hate the feeling more than anything. I try to push myself to do as much as I possibly can but overcoming the tide of doubt and fear is no simple hurdle. I guess all I can do is continue to push forward as much as I can bit by bit.

I feel the break of a thousand tides upon me

Thus impeding my passage beyond a Dream's Edge

Still I must wade the waters of constant unknown

Pushing Ever forward until the tide recedes.

post 2 of "Underspire"

Rask hopped about frantically pumping his fists in the air. “Dad!” he panted. “Never went out early, told him we should!” he continued, all in one breath. “Too early, we’ll bake in the sun!’ he would say, ha! if he could see us now!” Rask chanted out victoriously. Rask's Cheeriness halted abruptly as a sullen expression crossed his face, and grim thoughts occurred to him, he shook his head ignoring them.


The monk gave his enthusiastic friend a quizzical expression. “Not to dim your mood, but it appears we’ve only succeeded in making a lamp and a hole in the ground.” he paused for a moment, Peering into the cool darkness beneath the grating. “Where do we go from here? Did your father have any method for descent? “Gavan asked. “Shall I find a rope?” he added with a light chuckle.

Rask knelt down, staring into the darkness with a thoughtful expression. "Well" he said. "We know there is a way out-" he paused for a moment, caught in memory. "So there must be a way in." He lowered his head, trying to discern anything from the blackness. The stone in his hand still emanating brilliant golden light, he lowered it into the opening, golden light splashed over what appeared to be perfectly smooth cut stone. He adjusted his arm moving the light over the stone like a lamp. The light from the stone struck a large runic symbol a short distance from the opening. The symbol reacted to the stones light by erupting into the same brilliant golden light. The ground beneath them began to shake as the symbol, and the stone around it, pulled away from the perfectly cut wall forming a stair.

"Do we trust it?" Gavan asked, never one to run blindly into any situation.

"What else could it be for, and we've gone to far, spent to much time to turn back now, my father.." Rask stopped himself there, turned back to the opening and lowered himself down onto the stair. He could see the wall around him much clearer now. The years of sand build up did little to diminish the polished appearance of the stone. He shined the light from the stone in front of him looking for another stair, and just as before another symbol, and soon another stair forced its way from the wall this time lower than the first. "Come on in, the water's great!" Rask yelled up to Gavan excitedly.

"If only it were water" Gavan replied. The monk shook his head and sighed, he prodded the stair with his staff distrusting its stability, once satisfied he lowered himself down onto the first step.
One after another the stones tore away from the wall; Rask directed the guiding light of the stone ahead of them activating the stairs, which began to spiral downwards into what seemed eternity. A few hours past and the suns light, and the surface seemed a distant memory. A single bright light far over their heads, yet there was still no sign of a bottom.

“Does this still seem so wise, friend?” The monk asked with slight irritation apparent in his otherwise good humored tone.

“Of course, are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what’s supposed to be down here?” Rask chanted back, it seemed as though he might burst in his excitement.

Gavan gave a puzzled look to the back of Rask’s head. “No I have no idea, you tell me so little” he paused for a moment. “And what do you mean, supposed to be down here?”

“Well of course we can’t be certain until we see for ourselves.” Rask practically sang back in the same cheery tone. “Besides worst case scenario, we walk back right?”

“Just in time to drop dead in the sun’s heat, I like how you think.” Gavan replied sarcastically.

“I didn’t know they taught extreme pessimism in monk school Gavan” Rask replied, annoyed by his companions lack of enthusiasm.

“Monk School?” Gavan asked.

“Whatever you call it!” Rask called back waving his hand behind him. “Besides-” he stopped dead. Beneath him the tunnel swelled into a massive cavern, the walls of which were indiscernible in the far distance. Some distance beneath them, centered under the tunnel’s moth was a massive pyramid made of mirrors suspended in the air. The light from above struck it, sending reflected light in all directions, reflecting on thousands of intricately placed mirrors throughout the dome shaped cavern. The very tops of large structures became visible to them below.

The two companions gaped, eyes wide and jaws dropped at the beautiful system of light that illuminated the cavern. “We had an idea about this, my father described to me what this should look like, but I had no idea…” Rask trailed off.

After a moment Gavan regained his trained calm composure. “Rask. The tunnel ends here, do the stairs as well?

Post 1 of Underspire

This is a fantasy story I'm working on with Nick Rubio. Tell me what yu think and enjoy. More to come?

Wind swept across the endless sea of dunes, buffeting two lone cloaked figures, the only life for miles. They had been traversing across the endless wasted land for some time now. They searched for a gleam in the sand that wasn’t always there. The suns heat only made worse by the gloss white sand that seemed to reflect and magnify the heat back on any who dared walk through this infernal hell. But these travelers were not the average merchants that hopped from town, nor were they the raiders who would prey upon the former, but even raiders know better than to travel to this depth of hell. But these two were not driven this far for hope of monetary gain; no they were driven by the need to find something worth far more.

As they neared their invisible goal they could see the refracting light ahead that would make it seem as if the sun its self was on the endless sands. What they traveled so long for was at the center of the mountainous dunes, and if they had not known better it would have been just another .

They slid down the dune hills and landed on what appeared to be just another of the millions of dunes, after scanning the object before them with knowing eyes, they could soon discern the gaps in the rust toned grating, a perfect camouflage for the dessert. As they approached, the smaller and darker dressed of the pair pulled out an oddly shaped stone from a pouch under his cloak. He stood atop the grating and kneeled down, eyeing both the stone and grating. The grating itself could not have been told apart from that of the sands by an untrained eye. It was sand worn but still had an elegant look to it. Adorning it were strange runes that had no meaning to the two. Playing with the stone, Rask, stared aimlessly at the grating while his fingers stroked across the fine carved runes on the strange stone.

“See any patterns in the grating that could match the ones on the stone Rask?” The taller one asked. “Because the longer we stand here, the longer we risk being baked alive.”

Rask acknowledged the tall monk with a slight nod, making an annoyed expression without turning to face him. He continued to scan the faceplate of the grating. It seemed rusted even though at the same time its gleam proved that not to be the case. It seemed indestructible. He gave it a heavy stomp that caused his compatriot to stumble back.

“Was the really necessary?” The monk asked.

“Aren’t Monks supposed to be ready for anything, Gavan?” Rask replied with a smirk.

Gavan neared the stone threshold. He ran his fingers across the unintelligible carvings that were identical with the ones on the stone that Rask possessed. The two stood there in silence till they decided it was getting dark and the wasted land had the chill of death that nipped at weary traveler’s heels. Many travelers underestimated the vicious nature of the silent desert’s night. But the cold would not be the death of the learned two. They set up camp close by the grating and took turns keeping an eye out while the other slept.

Rask lay awake, waiting for his turn to keep watch. He kept his eyes shut to give the llusion of sleep in an attempt to save his friend some worry. When his arm was nudged notifying him it was time, he was up in an instant. Gavan smiled knowingly and sat leaning against a large rock, he stared into the sky, the light of Ocetian, the largest of the four moons filling his eyes, he was soon asleep.

Rask sat atop the grating, his legs crossed and his hand outstretched, the stone in his hand. He rolled it around thoughtfully. His eyes fixed upon its surface, and the runes that covered it. Thoughts and memories swirled through his mind. “Father….” He spoke out softly into the night. “What’s it worth?” Rask contemplated throwing the stone and walking away from this mysterious place forever. This was Dad’s obsession, not mine, what do I care? Bitter thoughts making his stomach churn. “One more night couldn’t hurt I guess.”

A few hours passed, and the night began to wane, Rask sat in the same position, his mind now filled with curiosity towards the grating and the stone. He scanned every inch of the stone, memorizing every rune. His mind was racked with his father’s notes. He traced out the runes absentmindedly with his thumb as he thought. The sun’s first rays poured out across the horizon. Rays of light struck the stone and illuminated its surface, the stone shone brightly, catching Rask’s attention. He looked down at the stone with tired eyes. Immediately his eyes shot fully open. The runes lit up in brilliant light as his thumb traced over them. He finished the pattern of the final rune, the stone erupted in light. The grating below him began to groan and creek as it began to move. Rask exploded onto his feet. “That idiot!” he yelled out triumphantly.

Gavan awoke to the sound of scraping stone and a screech that would give deaf men goose-bumps. He shot up into a defensive position and reached for hit long walking staff. Being a monk he was trained in both hand to hand combat and that of his favorite weapon his staff. He scanned around for his companion and saw him seemingly dancing upon the grating, a massive entrance appeared beside him. Gavan let out a groan, “What’s going on, who’s an idiot?”

Movies.

I have always loved movies, simply for the effect they can have. When you see a truly great film, you know it, because it touches you deep down within your soul. Something about the movie strikes a note that harmonizes with the song that is you. Something so simple a thing as a movie can hit you so profoundly, teach you, show you a truth about the world, the universe, open your eyes in ways you've never thought of. A great movie can goes beyond looks and cliches, an creates something truly beautiful.

I have seen a lot of movies, and I continue to watch them constantly. Because a good movie is literally an experience, it will pull at your emotions or invoke deep thought. Sometimes you find a movie with a character that is so real to you, or sometimes they even are you, and there struggle is so like your own. Their frustrations at this absurd and frantic world are your frustrations too, and when you say "What am I supposed to do?" they say it too. When that character goes on a journey, finding something true, you go on that journey as well. A good character can be just as meaningful to you as a real person.

These movies are one in a million, but when you find them you love them forever. Just recently I have seen a few of these treasures, they are my influence for writing this and I will write more specifically about them soon.

Thoughts (stolen from myspace blog)

Well Myspace has a built in blog, so might as well make use of it. I suppose I'll just use it to put my thoughts into writing, and to share it with whomever cares to read it.

One idea that has been repeatedly coming to mind recently is the need to be completely real. To be yourself no matter what the circumstances are, and the importance of this has become clearer to me as time passes. In life we do many things to accomodate for others, or to avoid trouble. I say being yourself is worth any temporary trifles it may cause. Because even though being yourself can at times cause trouble, the feeling you get when you know you have truly made a stand for who you are and what you believe in is one of the most empowering.

We can hide certain aspects of ourselves because they clash with what is acceptable but when you make yourself out to be something you're not, you'll begin to hate yourself. Sure you may fit in better and have a more active social life but, as the immortal Layne Staley put it, "when everyone goes home, you're stuck with yourself" When we act like something we're not it makes us not like us, and when you're alone you have to anser to yourself.

Maybe even more important than that is the fact that you have to consider what you will be remembered as. Personally, I can firmly say that I will be remembered as a distinct individual, who stood up for his opinions and beliefs no matter what, but also listened to the opinions of others and took every chance possible to learn. I want to be remembered for who I am, and I know that I will be, what will you be remembered for?